July 7, 2022

GEJ`

Business Woman

42 Quotes From “Legally Blonde” That Are So Good, I Want Them On My Tombstone

Table of Contents

For no reason other than the fact that Legally Blonde is amazing, here are 42 of the best quotes from the movie (with some full scenes thrown in because that’s how good this move is).

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM) / Via giphy.com

1.“I love that restaurant! I heard Madonna went into labor there.”

–Elle Woods

2.“Must be strange having such perfect eyes.”

–Elle Woods

3.This whole scene, which I would never dare not include in full:

4.

Elle Woods: “So you’re breaking up with me because I’m too…blonde?”

Warner Huntington III: “No. That’s not entirely true.”

Elle Woods: “Then what? My boobs are too big?”

5.“I grew up in Bel-Air, Warner. Across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that’s a lot better than some stinky old Vanderbilt.”

–Elle Woods

6.

Warner Huntington III: “I told you. I need someone serious.”

Elle Woods: “But I’m seriously in love with you.”

7.*Watching a man say “I love you” in a romantic scene on her TV* “LIAR!” *throws her chocolates at the TV*

–Elle Woods

8.“Honey, you were first runner-up at the Miss Hawaiian Tropics contest. Why are you gonna throw that all away?”

–Elle’s mother

9.“I don’t need back-ups. I’m going to Harvard.”

–Elle Woods

10.“I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.”

–Elle Woods

11.Elle’s admissions essay. It’s flawless:

12.“It’s been suggested that Stephen Hawking stole his Brief History of Time from my fourth grade paper.”

–Aaron Mitchell, the jerk in social circle

13.“Two weeks ago, I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.”

–Elle Woods

14.“Those of you in the front row…beware.”

–Professor Stromwell, talking to her class

15.“I even hired a Coppola to direct my admissions video.”

–Elle Woods

16.“He’s engaged. She’d got the 6-carat Harry Winston on her bony, unpolished finger.”

–Elle Woods

17.“So what’s this Vivian got that you don’t have? Three tits?”

–Paulette Bonafonte

18.

Elle Woods: “Nice outfit.”

Vivian Kensington: Oh, I like your outfit, too. Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.”

19.“I’m never gonna be good enough for you, am I?”

–Elle Woods

20.“I’ll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be!”

–Elle Woods

21.“I’m taking the dog, dumbass!”

–Paulette Bonafonte

22.“And for that matter, all masturbatory emissions where his sperm was clearly not seeking an egg could be termed reckless abandonment.”

–Elle Woods

23.

*Elle hands Professor Callahan her resume*

Professor Callahan: “It’s pink.”

Elle Woods: “Oh, and it’s scented. I think it gives it a little something extra, don’t you think?”

24.

Elle Woods: “Oh, Warner? Do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub after winter formal?”

Warner Huntington III: “Yeah–no.”

Elle Woods: “This is so much better than that!”

25.“Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands.”

–Elle Woods

26.

Professor Callahan: “He was 34-years older than you. That doesn’t look so good to a jury.”

Brooke Windham: “Then show them a picture of his dick. That might clear a few things up.”

27.

Brooke Windham: “You took my class in LA.”

Elle Woods: “Uh-huh.”

Brooke Windham: “You had the best high kick I’ve ever seen.”

28.

Brooke Windham: Are you one of my lawyers?”

Elle Woods: “Uh, yeah, sort of.”

Brooke Windham: “Thank god one of you has a brain.”

29.“Trust me, Paulette, you have all the equipment. You just need to read the manual.”

–Elle Woods

30.*Elle talking to Brooke, who is in jail* “I brought you some necessities. Some Calvin Klein 720-count sheets, um, the entire Clinique skin care line, some aromatherapy candles, a loofah, Oh! And the Bible.” *holds up a Cosmopolitan Magazine*

–Elle Woods

31.*Elle talking to Brooke, who is in jail* “So, how are you? Are you alright? You look so…orange.”

–Elle Woods

32.“I know, I’m a fraud! It’s not like normal women can have this ass!”

–Brooke Windham

33.“You know, you’re really being a butt-head.”

–Elle Woods

34.

Emmett: “I can’t believe you just called me a butt-head. I mean, no one’s called me a butt-head since about the ninth grade.”

Elle Woods: “Maybe not to your face.”

35.

Elle Woods: “She’s lying!”

Emmett: “And you know this for a fact?”

Elle Woods: “Did you see the icky brown color of her hair?”

36.This wonderful scene you get the pleasure of seeing in its entirety:

37.“But don’t worry. My girlfriend Serena once barfed on a guy during The Blair Witch Project and they ended up dating for three months.”

–Elle Woods

38.“If you’re going to let one stupid prick ruin your life, you’re not the girl I thought you were.”

–Professor Stromwell

39.Of course – of course! – the perm moment:

40.“The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would’ve known.”

–Elle Woods

41.

Warner Huntington III: “Pooh bear, I love you.”

Elle Woods: “Oh Warner, I’ve waited so long to hear you say that. But if I’m gonna be a partner at a law firm by the time I’m 30, I need a boyfriend who’s not such a complete bonehead.”

42.And finally, Elle’s valedictorian speech: